"Learn To Say No…So You Can Say A Bigger Yes To Life!"

Difficult People Will Teach You How To Build Your Boundaries

By Bo Sanchez

If you’re an approval addict or people-pleaser like me, I’m writing this especially to you.

You see, I’m a person who didn’t like saying “No”. For the longest time, that word wasn’t even in my vocabulary. For years, I never showed my anger to anyone. After years of smiling even if I was offended, there came a point when I didn’t even feel anger anymore. I simply shut it out of my life. (Believe me, I thought I was very holy because of this. Not realizing I was emotionally a mess deep within.)

I had an approval addiction so powerful, it ruled every decision I made.

Why? Because I was desperate for people to like me. When someone didn’t like me, I died within. I didn’t love myself. I had an abysmal low-self worth. So I tried to please everyone in everyway. I abhorred any kind of conflict.

Oh yes, I was a mess. And one of the ways of making them love me was to always say “Yes.”

I never knew that saying “Yes” all the time was actually saying “No” to an abundant life. So I tolerated all the difficult people and emotional vampires on the planet: Control-Freaks. Drama-Queens. Nut-Cases. Rage-aholics. Irresponsible Jerks. Hyper-sensitive people. Possessive Parasites.

You name the difficult person, I pleased each one of them—just to keep the peace.

But the false peace came with a price: I was throwing away myinner peace. My self-respect. My self-worth.

Let me tell you one story…

Build Your Boundaries—
So You Could Welcome People As Guests Through The Gate,
Not Thieves That Run Amok Through Your Life

Billy (not his real name) was a friend who invited me to become a business partner in one of his ventures. But he had a weakness: He was a controller. He wanted to control me. He wanted to control everyone. The sun and moon and stars included.

For a while, I lived with it. I chalked it up as one of those inconveniences of life, lumped up with Manila traffic, the humidity of the Philippines, and my allergies to shrimp. But it was incredibly stressful working with Billy. I didn’t want to admit it.

“But he’s my friend,” I told myself every time I felt stressed out.

I was in denial. My approval addiction was blinding me to the fact that working with him was driving me nuts.

But one day, I had to say “No” and build my personal boundaries. I allowed him to stomp over my fences many times. I had to repair my boundaries and protect myself. It was painful, but I knew there was only one way out.

So one day, I told Billy that though I wanted to remain friends, I wanted to get out of our business partnership. That wasn’t acceptable to him. So ever since that day, he never spoke to me again.

It was painful because our friendship ended. But I immediately knew I did the right thing because of the inner peace I felt that day. My approval addiction was defanged. For the first time in a long while, I created a conflict. By respecting myself and my boundary lines, I was growing in self-power.

That day, I finally loved myself.

Today, my relationships are richer. Because my boundaries are whole, people who come into my life are welcomed guests who pass through the gate (I deliberately opened it for them), not thieves that run amok through my life.

When you say “No” at the right situations, you’re saying a bigger “Yes” to life.

Truth: People Will Do What You Tolerate

So let me ask you this question: Are there people in your life who you should be saying “No” to? Are there difficult people in your life who have been gate-crashing and running amok in your life?

Remember: You teach people how to treat you. If that person is abusing you, or breaking your boundaries, that means you taught that person that it was okay to do so. You tolerated it. And people will do what you tolerate.

The solution may not be to end the relationship (though sometimes, it is the solution), but to simply say “No” at the specific situations where the person is crossing your boundary lines.

Reclaim your self. Don’t allow people to trash you.

God loves you. God created you as His child. God wants you to be happy. So be happy.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

Do You Have a Difficult Person in Your Life?

By Bo Sanchez

“Lord, help me to bless people today.”

That’s my daily morning prayer… uh, when I’m happy. And usually, I am. But once in awhile,

I don’t wake up happy. And usually, it’s because of a difficult person in my life.

That’s when I pray, “Lord, how can I bless this… this… this… creature?”

I’m a very patient person, so this doesn’t happen too often. But it happens.

Friend, do you have a difficult person in your life? And do you sometimes want to pray, “Lord, if you will allow it, let a 50,000 megawatt bolt of lightning strike (Name of Difficult Person) right now. Not to kill him, Lord. Just enough to wake him up and give him second degree burns. Just kidding Lord, but with all due respect, what were you thinking when you created this pathological human being? I don’t want to sound offensive, but were you sleeping on the job when you created this creature? He’s a mess. He’s a composite of all the villains of Spiderman put together….”

Do you sometimes wonder if this difficult person heard God in the middle of the night say, “My child, your ultimate mission in life is to be difficult. That’s the entire purpose of your existence. You shall be the thorn in someone’s flesh. Do everything in your power to annoy him. Be irresponsible. Or be demanding. Or be totally negative. Or be selfish. Or be constantly angry. Or be possessive. Or be always depressed. It doesn’t matter. Your objective is to make his life hell on earth.”

Yes, I must admit that I don’t like a few unlovable characters here and there, but generally, I think the Almighty has done a fantastic job inventing human beings. I also believe that God allows difficult people to come into our lives to give us very special gifts. What could these gifts be?

I’m going to try something new today. Instead of writing down what these gifts are, I’m going to ask YOU to write them on the comments below. Write your thoughts and experiences and share them to the world. Thousands will be reading them.

And in my next email next week, I’ll tell you what I think they are…

Cool? Thank you!

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

Awaken The Giant Within You

Your True Size Is Measured By Your Courage, Wisdom, and Love.
By Bo Sanchez


Editor's note: Bo Sanchez kicks off his 2008 US/Canada preaching ministry tour on May 8, 2008 in Concord, CA. Catch him at one of his preaching events at a city near you. Click here to view his May 2008 tour schedule.

Even as a baby elephant, Bulig was big. As Bulig grew up, he was taller and bigger than all his playmates. It didn’t take long for the other elephant to be afraid of him. And Bulig knew this. So he used his size to terrify others to do what he wanted them to do.

He’d snort and growl as he’d say, “I’ll crush you!” It was his usual greeting to anyone he met on the road. Obviously, if the other elephants were scared of Bulig, the other smaller animals would be as well. Monkeys, deers, tigers, and even lions stood in awe at the huge animal.

The elephants gave him a special home on top of a small hill. And Bulig’s throne was a gigantic bed. There he lay down and lorded it over the jungle.

Each morning, the elephants would give him a basketful of bananas. And the monkeys would give him a basketful of apples. And the deer would give him a basketful of nuts. This happened everyday.

So Bulig grew even bigger. And the more he grew, the more terrified the animals became of him. He now became a god to all the animals there. A group of pelicans took turns fanning him. A group of parakeets sang to him in the morning. A group of monkey acrobats performed for his evening entertainment.

For the longest time, Bulig never much left his home. In fact, for years, he didn’t even stand up from his giant bed. All he really did was snort and growl once in awhile, “I will crush you!” And every time he said it, all the animals would be terrified.

Because he didn’t move much, he became as fat as ten elephants put together!

Now, even other animals from other jungles would visit to see for themselves if the Legend of the Giant Elephant was true. And all of them would stand in terror at the sight of the great beast.

One of those animals was a tiny turtle by the name Pokito. Pokito heard about this Elephant and wanted to see him. Being a young and playful turtle, he thought it would be great to be friends with the giant elephant.

So one day, he walked up to Bulig who was like a mountain compared to Pokito. But Pokito wasn’t afraid.

He said, “Hi great Bulig! Can I be your friend?”

All the animals around Bulig gasped in horror. Who dared speak to Bulig in that way? Does he know what he was saying? Poor turtle!

Bulig was insulted that a little creature was not worshipping him as a god. So he snorted and growled his usual growl and said, “I will crush you!”

But Pokito was a wise turtle. He saw that behind Bulig’s size was great weakness. He felt pity for him.

So he simply said, “Bulig, I just want to be your friend. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. I’ll just go on my merry way…”

As he turned around, Bulig got even angrier and snorted and growled again and said in a bigger voice, “I WILL CRUSH YOU!”

All the animals scampered behind bushes, rocks, and trees. It was the first time they heard Bulig this angry.

Pokito turned around to face the giant again and said calmly, “Bulig, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. You might hurt yourself…”

Bulig’s face turned red as a fire truck. He stood up. Or at least tried to. Remember, it has been years since he even stood up!

“Ummph… Ummmph…. Ummmmmmmph!” Bulig struggled and struggled but couldn’t stand up!

“Bulig, please don’t do that…” Pokito said.

All the animals left their hiding places. They were totally shocked to see their god having difficulty standing up! Finally, Bulig’s legs folded and he came crashing to the ground. Whaaam! Bulig was now in pain, but his humiliation was even greater than any physical pain he was feeling at that moment.

First, a little monkey began to jeer. Soon, other monkeys joined him. And after awhile, all the animals began to ridicule Bulig. They taunted him and called him names.

“Weakling!”, “Fatso!”, and “Blubberhouse!”

That was when Pokito screamed, “Stooooooooop it!”

Everyone hushed at the brave turtle in front of them. “For years, you worshipped Bulig as a god,” Pokito said, “but now, you’re insulting him as the enemy. Why are you doing that? Bulig is just one of us, just like any other animal.”

Pokito marched to the embarrassed, whimpering Bulig and said, “Do you need help to stand up?” Sheepishly, Bulig nodded his head.

The turtle turned to the other elephants, “Help your friend stand up.” The other elephants were astounded by the wisdom of the little turtle. All of them went beside the giant, and together, pushed him up. With great effort, the huge elephant stood up.

With his knees still trembling, Bulig smiled at the turtle and quietly said, “Thank you. You are the real giant.”

Pokito smiled. “Thank you.”

Bulig asked, “Can you be my friend?”

The turtle said, “On one condition. You have to join me in jogging every morning.”

He winked. And all the animals broke out in laughter.


7 Lessons for Life

I wrote this little story for Mustard, our children’s magazine. (Why Mustard? From mustard seed! If you want to subscribe and get 10 fun-filled issues for your kids, log on at www.shepherdsvoice.com.ph ) But the powerful lessons in the story aren’t for children only. In fact, I believe adults need to hear them more than kids do!

Here are the 7 life-changing lessons from the story:

Lesson #1:

Don’t look for worshippers; Look for true friends instead.

Not all friends are created equal. Some friends are just fans. They admire you. They flatter you. They fear you. They benefit from you. But when you need them, they’re not there. Choose true friends over fans anytime. When you have a problem, they’ll stick there by your side.

Lesson #2:

The best way to look for a true friend is to be one.

Are you a true friend? Do you care for people? Do you go out of your way to express your love for them? The best investment you’ll ever make will be in your relationships. There lies your true gold.

Lesson #3:

Bullies are weak.

Avoid them or face up to them, but never be afraid of them. Do you have bullies in your life? You’ll always cross paths with bullies. Bullies intimidate people. Bullies want you to fear them. They manipulate you to follow them. Depending on the situation, you can avoid them or face up to them. But never be afraid of bullies. Because all bullies are fake. With their outward force, they cover up their weakness. But deep within, a bully is a fragile child with lots of fears.

Lesson #4:

When someone doesn’t like to be your friend, just walk off and go on your merry way.

Life is too beautiful to be sad at one person’s rejection. People-pleasers want to please everyone. And when one person rejects them, they die within. Because people-pleasers need to be needed. When a person rejects them, they get hurt deeply—and carry this hurt wherever they go and allow this hurt to affect their lives forever. What does a mature person do when they receive rejection? They get hurt like everyone else but they don’t carry the hurt. They shake the dust of their feet and move on. They love themselves. They love life.

Lesson #5:

When someone is angry with you in an unjust way, pity that person.

He will be hurting himself. Don’t pity yourself when you suffer unjust anger. Remember that unjust anger destroys the person who is angry, not you. Pity him.

Lesson #6:

Always be good and kind to everyone— whether he be a king or a beggar.

Every human being you meet in life is God’s child. Whether he sits on a throne or lies on the mud, it makes no difference. That person is your family.

Lesson #7:

Your true size is measured by your courage, wisdom, and love.

Are you a big person? Measure your courage and wisdom. By how you love, you shall know whether you have matured in life or not.

May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez


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