Because Husbands Aren’t Loving Enough

By Bo Sanchez

Two days ago, I had an ecumenical meeting with the Philippine President Gloria and various religious leaders in the country (even Muslim leaders).

That was where I spoke to Bishop Ruben Abante, the head of the Alliance of Baptist Churches in the Philippines. We were talking about how to solve the problems of the world. Shucks.

That was when Bishop Ruben gave me a word about families that blew my mind.
He said, “Brother Bo, the Bible says in Ephesians 5:25, ‘Husbands, love your wives, and wives submit to your husbands.’ Have you ever wondered why the Bible doesn’t say, ‘Wives, love your husbands?’” “

Why?” I asked.

The Bishop explained to me that the responsibility to love the family rests on the husband's shoulder. The wife and the kids are only to respond to that love. In the same way that the Bible says in 1 John 4:9 (my life verse) “We love because He first loved us,” we respond to God’s love for us.

That was powerful.

I began to reflect on all the broken families I’ve counselled through the past 28 years of my life. Most of them (not all) were broken because the father didn’t love enough. And as I reflect on all the broken people I’ve counselled, I can see the same pattern. In most of these individuals (again, not all), I see the lack of a loving father in that person’s life.

Fathers, you have a pivotal role in the life of your wife and children. You are to aggressively, assertively, deliberately love them—and they will respond.

But the good Bishop was not finished. He said, “Why didn’t God say, ‘Husbands, submit to your wife?’” “

Why?” I asked again.

He said that once that love is there, submission is the natural response. He asked, “Why is there so rebellion and disobedience among children today?” He explained that kids need to see their mother submit to their father as a model to follow. (We didn’t have time to talk about situations where the man of the house doesn’t love. Should the wife still submit? That difficult question I hope to answer it in another article.)

But let me share with you my experience.

I love my wife. I do it aggressively, assertively, and deliberately.

And she submits to my leadership. I have a vision for the family and I’m bringing my family to that vision—and she supports me.

But what does that mean in daily life?

That I’m king and she’s my slave?

Gosh, you should visit my home.

Because I love her, I want to serve her. And because she follows already my general direction, I realize that 90% of life’s decisions are about the trivial stuff. Because I love her, it’s my joy to say, “Yes” to her. So in reality, I follow her 90% of the time! She isn’t my slave. She is the queen I pamper.

That, my friends, is marital headship-submission in daily life.

It is with this note that I greet you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

May your families be filled with love.

Husbands, take responsibility in filling your family with love.

Wives, support and submit to your husband.

And together, we can fill the world with God’s love.

I remain your friend,

Bo Sanchez

In the year 2007, I want to help you with your family life. I know that can help you. I will provide you with more practical teaching on how you can become a better husband or wife, father or mother. In fact, I’m excited that our weekly FEAST will be launched very soon, and you can receive these video talks. Through these weekly talks, you will receive nourishment for your spirit. If you haven’t signed up as a member of, please do so and get ready to be blessed by a tidal wave of spiritual blessings for you and your family. Donations are totally optional. But if you decide to financially support our ministry of sharing God’s love to others, I’ll be mailing you a Christmas gift: my Life Dreams Success Journal (to help you write a vision for your life) and other surprise goodies as my way of saying “Thank You” for being my partner. Log on now!

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